A common question I am asked these days is “how are the kids doing with the idea of Oliver coming home?” Since we’ve never done this before, we are obviously not experts, but we are trying to be intentional with how we prepare them. Here are a few things we have done:
-We pray for him every night, and that God would prepare his heart for us as we prepare our hearts for him. It’s easy to think that “oh adoption means he’ll have a family and it’ll be great!” But really, we are about to rip him out of everything he has ever known, his language, and his surroundings. As we’ve walked this path so far, I’ve seen it said over and over in many different ways that adoption always begins with loss and therefore trauma.
-We talk about what he’s doing at many points throughout the day. The approximately 12 hour time difference makes it easy to say, “Oh he’s going to bed right now!” when we wake up for our day, or vice versa at night. We try to talk about things he might like to do here based on the videos we have. So far, we know he loves to throw things (such a boy!), roll a ball, stack blocks, and eat pouches. I try to let the kids have their own ideas about what each one of them might be able to play with him. Hopefully he will bring out a (not often seen) gentle side of all three of them.
-We are literally making space for him in Isobel’s room. He will get half her dresser and will probably be sleeping in there. We have multiple sleeping arrangements ready to go depending on what he needs–crib, toddler bed, futon mattress, pack n play…we have them all! Isobel has definitely felt all the feelings about this one. Sometimes she’s excited; sometimes she says “he can sleep in the hallway instead;” sometimes she just doesn’t seem to understand. Hopefully this summer we will figure out who is going to share with whom, and make the rooms cute. But for now, it’s just enough for everyone to have a bed and place to put clothes.
-We talk to everyone about Oliver, from the mail lady, to their school classes, to their cousins, to their friends, to random strangers while we are out. I guess we are trying to normalize it and prepare ourselves that this will continue to be the case (and probably more so) once he is home.
-Obviously, just as with any addition to your family, there will be moments when all of us realize the permanence of the situation and feel the weight of that in a hard way. There will be a level of grief as we process the ending of our family of 5 (which has been going for over 3 years now!) and give way to something new. We are familiar with this, having gone through it each time we’ve added to our family.
Elliot’s picture below really sums it up, I think. We are all there, Oliver included, only he’s in a different color. I don’t know if this is Elliott processing that he will look different than we do, or if it’s just an expression of the “already but not yet” stage we are in. Also, give me all the five year old art forever and ever. 
Team Grooms 