We are adopting!

We are rocketing back into the world of blogs after a few years off (RIP http://ashandtomgrooms.blogspot.com/) with a new site and a new focus. We are a family of five who is working hard to become a family of six through international adoption. Thomas works for a software company; I (Ashley) teach English to 7th and 8th graders part time and stay home with our three kids the rest of the time. Lillian is 6 and is rocking kindergarten at our local school. Her happy place is creating, designing or arranging things (and sometimes people, esp her siblings. #bosslady). Elliott is 4 and is happiest when he is playing with friends, reading books, playing on the computer, or letting his sisters boss him around. He is funny and sweet. Isobel is nearly 2 and like most kids her age, her favorite thing to do is get into things she shouldn’t. She loves to make us laugh, which isn’t hard because she says and does the funniest things. She is very agile and coordinated and loves to be outside. We also have one pet, Pua the guinea pig, who we love and whose main talent is peeing and pooping, sometimes in her cage and sometimes on us.

Below, I have compiled a list of the questions and conversations we are having a lot lately.

FAQs

Where are you adopting from? Boy or girl? 

We are adopting a little boy from China. He will (likely) be around 1.5-2 years old when he comes home, and he will have a minor or correctable medical special need.

Why China? Why not the US? There are tons of kids who need homes here. 

We spent a year praying about our decision, and a lot of small moments, conversations and research led us to China.

Why now? Why not wait til your kids are older? 

This is different for every family, but we had our first three kids in four years and don’t want this little guy to be appreciably outside of this. The #weelittlegrooms are a tight crew and we can’t wait to see them with a new brother.

Why are you adopting?

There are a couple of answers to this question. But first and foremost is, we want a fourth child. Four has been our number from the beginning and though we are far from perfect parents, we love it and have felt since Isobel was born that she wasn’t our last one. We have talked very casually about adoption since we got married, though never seriously until 2015.

Secondly, for the past year and a half since we started seriously praying about and then moving forward with adoption, we have both been struck repeatedly about the spiritual implications of adoption. So often we behave as though we are natural born children of God, entitled to all the rights and privileges of knowing the Father just because we prayed a prayer and because we seek to live for him. Both of those things are important but don’t get at the very precious reality that we are adopted as sons/daughters and heirs through the costliest of transactions: the cross. Romans 8:15 says, ” The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” Out of the surplus of this and in the joy of this we desire to adopt and live out this reality in our home every day.

What has the process been like? 

Being an avid blog reader and semi-avid listener of podcasts, I have been reading and hearing beautiful adoption stories for years. Domestic, international, special needs, infant, older children…I’ve heard many.  Adoption is sortof…trendy?…in Christian circles right now. We are definitely not trendy people but it does help how “out there” people are with their families’ stories these days and how much information is readily accessible. So, when we were visiting my sister in March 2016, I was listening to the Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey, and the guest, Shay Shull, was sharing how she and her husband were initially not on the same page at all about adoption. My interest was definitely piqued by this as Thomas, while never ruling it out completely, had shown limited interest up to this point. Shay shared how she and her husband had committed to pray about it together and separately for a year, and how she had committed to not nag him or push conversations about it. This sounded pretty perfect to me. Isobel was four months old and we were pretty much drowning in the chaos of 3 kids 4 and under. So we committed to pray until April 2017 before making any sort of decision. Every day, or at least most of them, we prayed for the Lord to gives us wisdom and to direct us as we considered a fourth child.

After a year of prayer, we both felt 100% sure that adoption was the path forwards for our family. Now, 100% certainty does not mean 100% confidence or the complete absence of fear/worry/anxiety about our decision but it did mean 100% peace about moving forward. So we started with the small step of choosing an agency, then researching and choosing a country, then completing the agency application, all over the summer. Some new laws passed in China in July complicated our situation, but again, doors opened and we continued to move forwards.

At this point, we have completed our home study, the first really big step, and now we are waiting on some government forms to go through. A few more steps, some more $$, and our dossier (basically, a huuuuuuge stack of paperwork that that marks our official intention to adopt) will hopefully be off to China in December. We hope and pray that he will be home with us around this time next year.

How can we pray?

Please pray for our hearts; our kids’ hearts; and our conversations as we prepare them. Pray against anxiety/fear/worry.

Please pray for efficient paper work; for proper timing; and for financial provision. A lot of pieces and parts have to come together before December 31.

Praise the Lord that we are on this path; for our agency; for our wonderful social worker and her team.

Please pray that our little guy is out there being held and loved and cared for. For his first mama and/ or first family, for his foster family or institution; for his medical special need.

How can we help?

Please pray with us. Please support us emotionally; ask us questions about what is going on; and rejoice with us as we move forward.

Please support us financially if you are able. We will be launching a t-shirt campaign in the next couple of days.  We would love to partner with any small businesses, too. And here is our Pure Charity/Adopt Together account.

https://adopttogether.org/families/?fundraiser=grooms-family-adoption

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Thanks for reading! We are officially best friends if you made it all the way through this post. 🙂